Ok people need to relax about the "Eagles First Down, Bitch" thing. The Facebook group protesting the chant already has like 2000 people, not to mention there was an article on Barstool today about it.
Like personally I don't really care either way. Anyone who knows me knows I like to just follow the crowd anyway. So if that's what the masses are doing, that's what I'm doing. But these headcases who are like, "It reflects poorly on the school" need to calm down. Yeah, I bet there are soooo many people out there that were on the fence about Boston College and only now have seen the light of day. "Like yeah I love the Jesuit community and the academics. But, man, the way those students celebrate a first down about 5 days a year. I just can't support a school like that."
And the funny thing is that next Saturday it's going to be louder than ever. And I guarantee that 90% of all the people in that group will be yelling it too.
So Teo can’t sleep at night without hearing my take on the VMA’s. Understandable. I tend to have that affect on women. But I really don’t know what to say. The show was pretty boring. Kanye’s performance was fine but nothing memorable. And it definitely didn’t pass the “Closed Laptop” test. The Closed Laptop test is when you’re sitting on your couch watching TV while perusing the Internets on your laptop. If what you’re watching is truly captivating, then you will close your laptop and give the show your full attention. At no point during the VMA’s did I even think about putting my laptop away, and so that should tell you all you need to know.
On the other hand, how great was Entourage on Sunday? I re-watched it yesterday and enjoyed it even more than the first time. Probably the best episode since 2008 and definitely one of the best episodes in Entourage history (still put “Exodus” at No. 1). Either way, I don’t think I’ve ever felt real emotion while watching Entourage before. But when Ari’s wife left him and Christina Aguilera was singing in the background, I actually felt a little sad. And I also thought that was the best acting Adrian Grenier has turned in while being on the show. When Vince walks out of the ER and sees all his friends, I just wanted to go give him a big hug. But it’s probably not a good thing for Adrian that the role that bests suits him is the drugged-out narcissistic asshole.
Listen Beth Ann, I know how it is. Not having a phone really sucks. I lost my cell phone charger like 10 days ago and so I’ve had to dramatically cut back on my text messaging to conserve battery. But then whenever I turn my phone on again I have like 63 different texts to sort through. And the one thing I’ve been noticing is that there are really only 8 different kinds of texts.
“The Flirting Text” – Arguably the greatest invention of our lifetime and that is not an exaggeration. Makes life about 1000 times easier and definitely less painful. After some playful exchanges, I usually close with: “So are you busy later tonight or do you want to try to meet up?” To which the girl typically responds: “I think I’m just gonna go to bed but I’ll let you know.” Emphasis on the less painful.
The “Whenever Anything Significant Happens in the Sports World Your Dad Immediately Sends You a Really Corny Text” Text – This is an awkward one that I have only learned how to properly respond to over a long period of time. Guys know what I’m talking about. As soon as your dad figured out how to text, the first thing he thought to do was text you every time Papelbon blew a save (“trade pap. bard should b new closer”) or when the Celts won the NBA title (“17!!!!!!!”). These texts make you feel good inside, but they are almost impossible to respond to. Although on the plus side, the one I got from my dad yesterday actually made me lol: “J-E-T-S really S-U-C-K” Even just the mental image of my dad entering in those CAPS is kinda funny.
The “Mass Text” – Let’s be honest, without the mass text there would be no pick-up basketball and therefore there would be no Albermarle All-Stars blog. So it’s pretty safe to say this is the most important text out there. Extremely useful for when you have a ton of friends like I do, but if you’ve never used the mass text before…well that should tell you something about yourself. My favorite part is when the texter has to clarify that he is sending out a mass text by writing “mt” or “gt” at the end of it. Really? “Hey can everyone let me know who’s coming tonight” wasn’t solely addressed to one person?
The “Making Plans” Text – These types of texts account for 80% of your inbox. They are short and sweet and really are what text messages were originally designed for. “Dinner at 7?”, “be there soon” “where are you right now?”. These are just some popular examples, but you get the idea.
The “I Can See You But You Can’t See Me So I’m Going To Send A Text To You Describing What You Are Wearing Just So You Know That I Am Watching You Right Now” Text – Ok maybe I’m the only one who does this, but God I hope not. I think these are kinda funny even if they have Creeper City written all over them. Just a simple “nice green hat” and the person immediately looks up, twirls his head around 360 degrees and starts acting like he’s about to be sniped from somewhere above. Hilarious, I know.
The “Something Ridiculous Just Happened To Me and I Need To Tell Somebody About It Immediately” Text – These are rare and a complete hoot for the person that sends them, but not so much for the person that receives them. It’s like, ok you just saw Justin Timberlake in the street. Big whoop. He’s a phenomenal dancer but he’s probably only like a B+ singer. You generally have no other response than “that’s awesome man.”
The “I Have a Legitimate Question For You” Text – These can throw you off if you’re not ready for them, but sometimes your mom or friend or somebody will send you a really serious text asking you an important question about something. And then when you don’t have the means to respond they get all mad at you for some reason. Just send me an email, mom. Did you ever consider I might not know my FAFSA pin number off the top of my head?
The “Drunk Text” – Overlaps with the “Flirting Text” a little bit but also has way bigger potential, both good and bad. For some reason I’m just a beast when it comes to typing my words correctly, so I don’t ever get caught up in any awkward Drexting situations. But if I did I’m sure they would be hysterical.
It's too late to apologize, I realize that. And unlike One Republic I can't just throw Timbaland on this blog right now to make everything better. But I'm issuing my first apology blog in regards to the lazy/boring Patriots blog I just posted.
The number 1 rule of blogging is: If your chick ever says to you before her birthday, "If you really loved me, you would know what to get me," you always buy her an Xbox without even hesitating. That's just your automatic instinct. She's getting the Xbox. Because the look on her face has to be a Top 10 Face of All Time. Just pure disbelief and hatred and speechlessness all wrapped up together (haha pun). Seriously fellas, Xbox.
Ok j playin'. The most important rule of blogging is actually, "Not posting a blog at all is sometimes better than posting a bad one." And I completely disobeyed this rule when I rushed through that blog earlier. I literally wrote it in between Hung and Entourage (fantastic finale, btw) and there aren't even commercial breaks, so that should tell you something. I realized shortly after that it was horrendous, but I'm not in the business of deleting posts, so it's up there forever.
I basically did a summary of the Patriots game which shows a lack of creativity on my part. The Jwoww joke is kinda excusable but the joke about tight ends? C'mon Mike. Amateur. But the worst part was I completely wasted my joke about the Holiday Inn. It's a play on the commercial, get it? Just comedic gold and I blew it.
Anyway, if I'm not mistaken, Mad Men STILL isn't going to watch itself tonight, so I gotta get on that.
The Patriots looked so legit today and there’s not a doubt in my mind we are winning the Super Bowl this year. I’m pretty sure our offense is better than it was in 2007. It’s like I always say: I like my offense the way I like my women, with great tight ends. And to be honest, the more the merrier. Hernandez. Gronk. Alge. I just don’t see how anybody is going to stop us. Not to mention our defense looks hungrier than ever. I know they’re young and inexperienced, but I haven’t seen that kind of nastiness and aggression since Jwoww handed it to Sammie last Thursday. And I want to say that veteran QB’s like Manning will tear us apart, but then again the Colts did lose to the Texans today.
I could keep going all day with Patriots analysis. But what does this look like, a Holiday Inn? I got bills to pay and food to put on the table. Have a good night.
P.S. Shout out to CatMac (the most knowledgeable female Patriots fan I know) for predicting Devin McCourty would be a stud. He is.
Just another member of my family delivering babies on the side of the road. No big deal. But seriously, how am I supposed to compete with this at our BBQ next Sunday? "Oh hey Mike, how's school? Deliver any babies on your way to class? No...oh ok. Take care now."
One last thing: for those of you that went to Brown Middle School, yes that is Mr. Nardelli.
You know when you click on an album that one of your high school friends is tagged in and start looking at their pictures? But the only thing is that it’s not your friend’s album, it’s actually one of their random college friends you’ve never even met. And then after a while you realize you’re just looking at pictures of that person’s family at a cookout or something? This is fun for like 15 seconds before you realize how creepy it is. Like, yeah that girl is pretty hot. Or yeah, that guy’s mustache looks a lot like my dad’s mustache. But once you reach a certain point it’s just too weird and you have to exit out of the album. That’s pretty much how I feel about the Red Sox right now.
Look at the box score from last night’s game. Pretty brutal. All season long you expect to watch your guys play, but injuries have turned this team into something completely different. I said from the beginning that this team would be one of the best in baseball, finish with 91 wins, and be left out of the playoffs. And the fact that the Red Sox still have a solid record given the lineup they are putting out there everyday is actually pretty impressive. I’ve supported them all summer long even when I knew nothing would come of it. But these are not the Boston Red Sox anymore. Josh Reddick, Ryan Kalish, Darnell McDonald, Lars Anderson, Kevin Cash, Jared Saltalamacchia, Daniel Nava and Yamaico Navarro are not the players I was expecting to watch on a regular basis. This is some strange family I’ve never met and it kinda leaves me with an uneasy feeling when I watch them.
So school started today and I'm proud to say that I only missed one class. I was waiting outside Cushing 209 a few minutes before my Accounting class at Noon. Then all of a sudden I see J-Rod walking straight towards me. I knew immediately this was bad news. Like I mentioned before, Jon is an English Second Language major, so I figured he was probably going to Intro to Verbs or something (turned out to be Shakespeare but really what's the difference?).
By the time I figured out my Accounting class wasn't until 1:30, I was already 30 minutes late for Structures of the Universe, so I just didn't go. There are like 150 kids in that class, so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I wasn't missed. Either way, though, not the start I was looking for.
First thing I did when the Comcast guy set up the cable was DVR “Dancing With the Stars.” I realize this seems like perfectly normal behavior for me, but surprise! I’ve actually never seen an episode before.
But this season’s cast is absolutely loaded, and I don’t mean in the Gilbert Arenas way. (Speaking of criminal athletes, though, how stupid do the Steelers look right now? Dennis Dixon, really? Not to mention that Tomlin said Big Ben isn’t guaranteed his spot when he comes back. Let me explain something to you: When your star QB rapes a girl, the only reason you bring him back is because he’s irreplaceable. You don’t create a quarterback controversy before the season starts. Why do people continue to act like Tomlin is a good coach? He’s really overrated and makes a lot more mistakes than people realize). Anyway, what I was trying to say was, there are a lot of sweet people on the show this season:
The Cast:
Audrina Patridge - Yes, this is THE Audrina. Say what you want about The Hills, like how good it is for example. But don’t tell me for one second you weren’t mesmerized by Audrina every time she was on screen.
Brandy – Brandy’s still cool, right? She made a brief appearance in our lives with The Boy Is Mine in 1998 and then just bounced. Looking forward to getting to know her better.
Bristol Palin – Doesn't she have a baby to look after or something? What almost happened to this country?
David Hasselhoff – Apparently he is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the Most Watched TV Star of All Time, or something.
Florence Henderson – Never heard of her. See ya lata.
Jennifer Grey – Remember her from Bueller, that’s about it though.
Kurt Warner – I love Kurt Warner. I mean who doesn’t? Nice guy. MVP quarterback. And when he threw that ball to Ty Law I don’t think I had ever been so overjoyed in my life.
Kyle Massey aka Cory Baxter from “That’s So Raven” – This was and still is the funniest Disney channel show of all time. Every single time Raven raised her eyebrows, looked into the camera with those googly eyes, and spoke in that ridiculous voice she had, I was on the floor laughing.
Margaret Cho – Bye
Michael Bolton – Not exactly my cup of tea but I recognize talent when I see it. This man’s got chops.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino - And the other shoe finally drops. The truth is that one hour per week on the Jersey Shore isn’t enough Situation for me. And there are just so many questions going into this show. Does he wear an Ed Hardy T-shirt? Does he just start grinding up on his partner halfway through the dance? What happens to Ravioli night back at the Shore? I can’t even contain myself right now.
The hottest thing in Jamaica right now. This guy is basically a T-Pain/Akon hybrid and he's gonna blow up real quick. "What's in my cup stays in my cup. My drink... is in my cup." So true now that I really think about it. Seriously, I am about to go watch Cool Runnings, that's how badly I wish I was in Jamaica bumping to this song right now.
And this is exactly why I will never get behind the idea of college football. Just stop pretending that the NCAA is anything other than minor league football (at least at the big schools). Stop pretending like these are student-athletes whose first priority is to get an education. These schools make bazillions of dollars off of these players and the players don't see a penny of it. The NCAA isn't "protecting" them, it's just trying to hold on to all the power that it can.
Here's an idea: pay the players. Put a salary cap in college football and offer the best players money to come to your school. You want the best QB in the class, then do whatever it takes to get him. Seriously, is this not how real life works? This would also put an end to the absolutely ridiculous guidelines regarding recruiting. Coaches can only send 500 texts per month, or players can't Tweet about their college decision. Give me a break. Reggie Bush was the best football player in 2005 and he proved it by getting with Kim Kardashian. You can take away his Heisman, but really you're just reminding everyone how dumb the NCAA really is.
P.S. I appreciate everyone who reads the blog, but if you could also Follow it that would be helpful. I have big plans and need all the official followers I can get.
I know, I know. My crops are withered. My animals need to be fed. My trees need to be harvested. But let's be real, only total losers do Farmville during the summer. It's basically social suicide.
But the semester is starting and I couldn't put it off any longer. There are a lot of cool changes to the game, and it's definitely more interactive now. I'm excited to check those out and modernize my farm considerably. I'm definitely going to keep the Asian Pagoda and the lake, though. Those cost like 85 Farmville bucks total and the only reason I was able to purchase them was because I signed up for a free trial of Netflix (which was basically the biggest win-win of all time).
On Thursday I didn’t have enough time to write a full blog on Delonte’s return to the Celtics, so I gave you guys the Blog Before the Blog. It’s not the Blog I’m gonna bring to the club with me and show off to everyone, but it’s the Blog that gets the ladies thinking about that hot tub. Now I got the real fresh-to-death Blog on Delonte being back in Green.
Basketball Angle: Exactly what the Celtics needed. Out of the three backup guards, West is the one that will get the most minutes. He proved in Cleveland he can be a very reliable NBA shooting guard, and he also has the versatility to play the point. As much as I loved what Nate Robinson gave us during those last two playoff series, I’m glad we didn’t throw all our eggs in his basket as the “offensive-minded guard off the bench.” And since neither Nate nor Delonte are particularly strong defensively, this gives Avery Bradley a chance to show what he can do.
Entertainment Angle: I’ve always been fascinated by this man. Who could have predicted when he was being the man at St. Joe’s that his career/life would have played out like this? Personally I think his KFC rap/video is hysterical. NBA players are pretty funny overall and he kinda separated himself from the field with that performance. Not to mention I really appreciate his neck tattoo. Go big or go home, right?
LeBron Angle: Do I really believe the story about Delonte being involved with LeBron’s mom? Uh yes, actually I do. But regardless of whether or not it’s true, LeBron probably thinks about this at some point everyday. I doubt he gets a phone call from his mom and is able to keep that thought out of his head completely. It’s like I always say, “Once your mom has an affair with Delonte West, you never stop thinking about it.” So when the Celtics play the Heat in the Eastern Confernce Finals, Delonte has to start giving LeBron’s mom phone calls again, right? I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was written somewhere in his contract, to be honest. LeBron can talk all he wants about how he is always 100% focused on the task at hand. But when Delonte runs by and gives him a little pat on the ass, we’ll see what he’s really made of.
Is BC trying to butter me up with Cudi with the hopes that I will forget how they screwed me out of housing this year? Because if they are it is starting to work. Even though I'm on a retreat right now and have no phone or internet, my sources are telling me that Kid Cudi and LMFAO will be performing at the BC fall concert this year. Now if they can bring in Bieber for the Spring concert I'll forget the whole thing happened all together.
Are you kidding me right now? I go away on a retreat with school and Delonte comes back! I literally have 12 seconds to write the blog before I get in trouble. But there's an A+ blog on Delonte coming soon.
