Jam of the Week

Time to bring back Jam of the Week (not that we ever had it in the first place). Leading off is Drizzy with "I'm Ready for You." Check back every Tuesday for the weekly Jam of the Week. I thought it was time we had some consistency here at the Alb.

That's More Like It!

Just in case you have forgotten, let me remind you how terrible I was at laser tag when we went for Sarah's birthday last year. First of all, I wasn't even allowed in the group photo. I had a lame code name (Mush). And I was by far the worst guy, and if it wasn't for Susan (also not allowed in photo) I would have finished in dead last a few times.

Well I finally got a chance to redeem myself because our camp went to Laser Zone today. And my oh my how the tables have turned. Kids were scared of me the minute we stepped off the bus. 5-year old in the corner. Bam! 8 year old running loose. Snipe! I put up a 140,000 spot in the first game, and then came back with a 230,000 point effort in my second attempt. Both high scores, of course.

And I think I know why I was so dominant. This version of laser tag wasn't every man for himself. There were two teams and the goal was to shoot the other team's base. Well if you get 500 points for each shot at the your opponent's base, and you only lose 50 points if you get shot, that's a net of 450 points. The other kids couldn't figure that out, but I exploited that shit all day long. Not just a pretty face here.

P.S. Looking good Ben. Nice chin strap.

I Got I Got I Got I Got Your Back Boy

I think Keri Hilson summarized pretty accurately my thoughts on Manny getting claimed off waivers by the White Sox. I know a lot of people around here like to be hard on Manny, but he's still the best hitter I've ever seen and I will defend his antics to my grave. So Manny: Keep your swag up. Keep it looking good for ya. Keep it looking hood for ya.

BC Cutting Off Its Nose to Spite Its Face

I understand that everybody makes mistakes from time to time. Mischa Barton asked to be written off The OC because she thought she was hot shit. Fine. Car accident and you’re dead. Done and done. Just don’t come crying to me just because nobody has thought about you once in the last three years. In her defense though, she was probably the hottest young actress at the time, and studios were probably lining up at the door to get her. Her real mistake was every decision she made after she left the show.

So while I will make an excuse for Mischa, I’m not making any for the Tyrannosaurus Rex of a mistake that BC is about to make. They are about to launch a pilot program for this check-in system in Walsh, which has complete disaster written all over it. Walsh residents will have to swipe their card upon entering the building. All other BC students have to sign in, and only students that actually live in Walsh can have non-BC guests. And furthermore, “overnight” rules will be enforced as well.

Is this real life? This is Walsh we’re talking about. This has absolutely 0% chance of working. What happens on a Friday night when there are, and this isn’t an understatement, 2000 people going in and out of the building each hour? The line is going to stretch through the Mods, and it’s going to be complete chaos. Not to mention it is just plain wrong to strip away the experience of living in Walsh from all these kids. Now they're all going to run off campus or to senior housing and get into even more trouble. It just bothers me that somebody came up with this idea, said to themselves, “Yeah, this should work,” and then carried on with their day. Ugh.

#1 Pick in 2018 NBA Draft...

However, I have those exact same handles and I'm eligible for the league right now, so if you're trying to win now maybe I'm your guy.

Trill Bloggin'

Is this a joke? There is actually nothing going on in the world right now. Seriously, tell me one thing that has happened in the past two weeks. Nothing in sports. Nothing in politics. No noteworthy celebrity scandals. Ever since I decided I was gonna try to make something of this blog, I can’t even buy a good story.

Yesterday I spent 15 hours moving out of two apartments. All I kept thinking about was going home, checking TMZ, and banging out a quick blog. But what do I find? More redundant stories on Speidi, Paris, and Lindsay, in that order. C'mon people, just give me something to get me through night. That’s what she said. So I basically have to think this shit up on my own.

Here are the Top 25 Hip-Hop Albums of the Decade. Sorry no mixtapes. I know Calvin and other hip-hop "experts" out there are gonna give me shit for not having like 17 underground albums ahead of Kanye and Jay-Z, or for not having Common on there 12 different times. But do me a favor, get over yourself.

1. College Dropout – Kanye West
2. The Black Album – Jay-Z
3. Marshall Mathers LP – Eminem
4. Man on the Moon: The End of Days – Kid Cudi
5. The Blueprint – Jay-Z
6. Lupe Fiasco’s Food and Liquor – Lupe Fiasco
7. Get Rich or Die Trying – 50 Cent
8. The Carter III – Lil Wayne
9. Late Registration – Kanye West
10. The Chronic 2001 – Dr. Dre (released November of 1999 but who’s counting)
11. Stankonia – Outkast
12. The Carter II – Lil Wayne
13. Quality – Talib Kweli
14. Graduation – Kanye West
15. The Eminem Show - Eminem
16. Pursuit of Nappyness – Nappy Roots
17. Revolutionary Vol. 2 – Immortal Technique
18. Undisputed Truth - Brother Ali
19. Be - Common
20. Lupe Fiasco’s The Cool – Lupe Fiasco
21. Documentary – The Game
22. Let’s Get Free – Dead Prez
23. Phrenology – The Roots
24. KING – T.I.
25. Speakerboxxx/The Love Below – Outkast

2 Months Exactly Until the NBA Tips Off

We know Yao's excited.



(Obviously playing Counter Strike)

Introducing the Next Hit T.V. Show

It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and if you’re going to come out on top, you need to be able navigate your way through a conversation. Since the only way to do that is to be 100% up-to-date on all your pop culture, you need to be caught up on your T.V. If you’re currently watching Mad Men, Jersey Shore, How to Make it in America, Modern Family, Top Chef, Community, Entourage, Hung, Weeds, Breaking Bad, The Real Housewives of DC, True Blood, The Rachel Zoe Project and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami like I currently am, then you’re in good shape. If not, it's time you started taking your life a little more seriously.

I’m not going to just flat out say I’m the world’s greatest expert when it comes to T.V., but I’m basically the world’s greatest expert when it comes to T.V. I can watch a show for 15 minutes and essentially tell you how big it is going to be. Not how “good” the show is, because who really cares about that. But how popular the show will be. Who will be watching. How frequently the show will be referenced in society. Things like that. I watched the pilot of The O.C. the night it aired and knew immediately it was going to be the biggest thing on the planet. I was with LOST from the beginning. Same thing with Modern Family. I knew Jersey Shore would blow up a month before it even premiered. I just have the gift.

And so without having even seen the pilot, I’m happy to inform you that the next big show in American pop culture is…The Event. It premieres September 20 at 9pm on NBC.

Don't Say You Didn't Hear It From Me

I'm not going to bore you all with a NFL Season preview or anything like that. We all know that football is just there to kill time until the NBA comes back. But there is one thing that I will say about NFL, and it has to do with how stupid GM's are when it comes to evaluating QB's. Here are two predictions you can take to the bank:

1. Mark Sanchez is a backup QB by 2013. If there is one thing in this world I hate more than Rex Ryan, it is Mark Sanchez. He is so terrible, I have no idea why people are actually picking the Jets to make some noise this year. He can't throw a football 30 yards down the field! Open your eyes people. And don't give me this "He's still in his second year" bullshit. You can either throw the ball or you can't. See Tebow, Tim.

2. Jimmy Clausen will be the best QB from this past draft class. I am pretty anti-college football and I still saw Clausen play like 6 times last year and he is an NFL QB for sure. Bradford will probably be pretty solid, but the fact that Clausen went in the 2nd round is a joke. Seriously, give me my own NFL team already.

Did I Really Just Do the Unthinkable?

I've been running this blog empire for 2 months now and just realized it's actually spelled Albemarle, not Albermarle. I'm going to chalk this one up as one of those things that adds "character" to the blog, which I guess it could use. I just wanted to own up to my screw-up before someone called me out on it.

Quick Thoughts on Going Back to School

1. GFBC baby! That’s Grenade-Free Boston College. And no land mines either. It’s important to set goals and this is one of mine for this year. Certainly achievable but probably unlikely for me.

2. Quinn you better bring it this year in your Mod. I’m only like 70% confident that you will and that’s like 40% not enough. Good thing you have your roommates to pull you through. I like those guys.

3. Football season! Let’s be honest as soon as I hit “Confirm Order” on my $150 BC season tickets I knew it was a big mistake. That’s like 15 orders of New Hong Kong just gone out the window. Now I have to fake like I care about this shit for the next 3 months. Oh college sports, this really is the last year I’m ever dealing with you.

4. Am I really gonna have to run a marathon every year to stay in shape? Living next to a liquor store/Pino’s just killed me and I probably haven’t been this chubby since the 4th grade. Hitting that Plex early and often.

Deal or No Deal Arcade Game

Let's ignore the fact that this guy absolutely sucks at Deal or No Deal for a minute. How unbelievably awesome is this game!? I saw it at Chuck E Cheese yesterday and literally couldn't believe my eyes. I spent all 20 of my tokens on it. It's Deal or No Deal and the prize is tickets. Fucking genius! I'm 100% getting one of these for my house when I'm older, and I could care less that I won't be able to do anything with the tickets.

Kanye West to Release New Song Every Friday - ARTISTdirect News

Kanye West to Release New Song Every Friday - ARTISTdirect News

I'm very excited for Kanye's new album, Dark Twisted Fantasy. It's supposed to come out in November, and we've already heard some songs like "Power" and "See Me Now," which I both really enjoyed. This is probably the most excited I've been for an album in a while. Sure, Cudi and Lupe and others have held down the fort in the last few years, but Kanye is still my first love and it's always a little more special with him.

Mike Wins Counselor of the Week Honorable Mention After Only One Week of Camp

Ok ok, so it’s not an official Counselor of the Week (C.O.W.) award, but an honorable mention is pretty damn good considering I was only there for five days. It only took me three days, but I did finally get my hands on the Ipod Silly Band, too. My biggest mistake was showing my cards way too early. As soon as I showed up on Monday morning I basically announced to the entire camp that I was desperate for it, which completely diminished any leverage I had. In the end, I ended up having to give a piggy-back ride to a camper to AND from Crystal Lake, which absolutely destroyed my back.

But my biggest contribution to camp definitely came on Friday when Upper Camp had its annual Summer Prom. I walk into the Prom and see counselors fumbling through NOW CD’s trying to find a good dance song. The kids just aren’t having it at all and this rager seems like it will be as much fun as the Mods were last year. Well have no fear children, Mike is here and he brought his iPod with him. So yeah, that’s when I take over as DJ and start killing it on the 1’s and 2’s. I mean just every song was a total jam. Bieber. Derulo. Kingston. Peas. Perry featuring Dogg. All the big names. The only minor hiccup was when I played Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” and things slowed up a bit. But that’s what makes me different from most DJ’s out there. I don’t think I’m bigger than the game itself. The kids weren’t feeling it, so halfway through I hit ‘em up with Taio Cruz’s “Break Your Heart” and the place went bonkers. I guess that’s why they pay me the big bucks, though.

Meet the 1914 guys

Albermarle All-Stars is in a state of transition. Everyone is going back to school and I’m going to need some new material for the upcoming semester. So I’m officially introducing you all to the 1914 guys that you already know. I’m not living with them next year but my other roommates are all weird and didn’t want to stay at BC this summer. So I’m holding off on bringing them into the picture until they really show me something.

Jon:

Bio: Jon is from Long Island via Mexico, but claims he is Puerto Rican. At this point I don’t know what to believe. I think he is an English major, but he might just be taking a lot of classes so he can finally learn the language. His hobbies include surfing and wearing his sweet sunglasses around on campus. Jon is also a dedicated supporter of Arsenal F.C.

Strengths: Is good at soccer which is good for when we go play pick-up together. Jon is also a very good cook, which is usually a plus except for when he judges me for microwaving hot dogs. But most importantly, Jon is my Beruit partner at school. We win tournaments on the reg and are basically celebrities everywhere we go.

Must Improve: Lack of pop culture knowledge makes it impossible to have a conversation with him. I ask him perfectly reasonable questions like “What do you think is gonna happen with Scott and Kourtney?” and he looks at me like I’m speaking Chinese.

Josh :

Bio: Josh is a local boy from North Andover, not to be confused with regular Andover. Probably one of the top 10 Fenway vendors of all time, and this is only his first season. Earlier this summer Jesse proclaimed Josh was about 10% hipster, which I guess is true. He’s a very good musician, as you can probably guess by the inordinate amount of instruments in his room.

Strengths: Very knowledgeable on Boston sports and my go-to guy for any related discussion. And the same goes for anything Barstool. Josh turned 21 the same week as me, and so we basically tore Boston apart until everyone else became legal. Josh is also a grill master, which was sweet when I didn’t work for the first 6 weeks of the summer and needed to do something to pass the time. Also is very strategic in his placement of mouse traps around our apartment. Roughly a 30% shooting percentage on those, which is actually quite high.

Must improve: We don’t call him the Bulldozer for no reason. He’s basically a human wrecking ball who punched through several of the walls in our apartment. He’s also deaf and therefore plays his music at intolerable levels.

Lorenzo:

Bio: He went back to Long Island today and isn’t coming back until school starts, so I’ll probably never see him again. But in any case, I love Lebronzo. He shops more than any person I have ever met in my life, and his justification is that he bought a monthly T Pass and therefore can get off at every stop and buy something. Most days he comes home, holds up a T-shirt that he just bought off the street, and asks if we think he should cut the sleeves off. The answer is always yes.

Strengths: Helped me make the decision to switch to Accounting, for which I am very grateful. Also brought all of his friends to that party we had in the beginning of the summer, which was mad fun. Zo would also wake me up at 7:15 for work if I was still sleeping, but usually he made sure he got a quick snuggle-sesh in first.

Must improve: Comes back to the apartment obliterated and requires constant care. Like last week when I literally had to put him on my shoulders and carry him up the stairs. Other than that he’s fine though.

Bryan aka Beej:

Bio: Interned with Calvin’s dad this summer and met some of our friends at Chad’s graduation party. So props for that. Also is leading a trip to Belize in the same program as me (I’m going to Mexico), and only the coolest of the cool people get the chance to do that.

Strengths: Nobody can say anything bad about Bryan. Such a nice guy who frequently wears wifebeaters and gives everyone the privilege of seeing those guns. Can also be counted on for playing interesting video games that I never would have known about if I never lived with him.

Must improve: Attendance. Makes one or two appearance every week at the apartment, but we could really use a little more Beej action around here.

Operation Get Mike The Ipod Silly Band Starts Tomorrow

I finished my last job on Friday and tomorrow I start my first and only week at Centre Acres. I've been getting a lot of praise from people for doing this, telling me things like, "That's so great that you like hanging out with kids," blah, blah blah. Calm down people. There is one reason I have signed up for this job and one reason only. To get my hands on a Silly Band. And not just any Silly Band. But a Silly Band that is so rare, I'm not even sure that it's real. We're talking the Charzard of Pokemon. The Humphrey the Camel of Beanie Babies. We're talking about, of course, the Ipod Silly Band.

But guess what? Now I find out that Silly Bandz are being banned for the last week of camp. My initial thought was that this is terrible news because there will be no Silly Bandz. But then I thought to myself, of course the kids are still going to bring their Silly Bandz, and all I have to do is confiscate them since they're illegal.

Well now my head is about to explode because last night I was informed that there is a 9-year old operating a black market for these things and that he's basically running the entire camp. I guess in the hierarchy of Centre Acres currency, freeze pops are on the bottom, followed by Silly Bandz, and then water balloons are on top. All transactions run through him in one way or another, and he's basically taking a huge cut on everything. Lots of transaction fees and things like that.

So now I don't know what to do. I guess I could start with some freeze pops and slowly try to work my way up. But I could also try to lay down the law and use my authority as a counselor to just take it. Although with this strategy I run the risk of being cut off from the black market entirely and then I'm completely screwed. I guess we'll just have to find out tomorrow.

(I am sorry for all the camp-related posts that inevitably will come this week)

The 2010 Albie Awards

I tell my campers this all the time, “A man is about as big as the things that make him angry.” Or for those non-English majors out there, “Shut the fuck up Quinn.” I know the Albies are the biggest thing to hit Newton in years, but relax. You think I feel good about giving the MVP A-Gourd to Mitch? I’ve created a monster and we’re all going to have to deal with it for years now. That thing was in his pants within 5 minutes of me giving it to him. I’m not happy about it, but let’s call a spade a spade here. He was more consistent over the course of the entire summer. I gave you Looks Best Doin’ It and My Favorite Player to Play With. I thought that would have been enough, but I guess not.

So now that I have gotten that off my chest, HOW ABOUT THOSE ALBIES?!?! We have done some fun things in our time, but an award show all about us? It was a fitting way to put an exclamation point on this summer. I loved the reactions of all the Chikami kids that briefly came in to watch the ceremony. This was one of the single most creative things we have ever done, and they were all like “Wow, you’re having an awards show with your friends. Big fucking deal. We had like 4 of these last week. Somebody call me when they’re naked and Jesse’s pissing on everyone.”

I personally have to thank Mitch for stealing the show. I was devastatingly unprepared and without his drunken self providing the comic relief the whole thing would have been a complete train wreck. The funny thing is that Centre Acres was basically on their knees begging me to emcee the Talent Show earlier that day. But I guess that speaks more of how brutal they knew Tom would be.

(shout out to Dave Robb for hosting)

The Albie Awards:

MVP A-Gourd: Mitch
Best 3-Point Shooter: Petrie
Best Mid-range shot: Jamie
Most Improved: Dave Robb
Most Underrated: Jesse
Hannah Storm Award for Nastiest Hand(les): Zack
Best Rebounder: Joey
6th Man Award: Tom
Looks Best Doin’ It: Quinn
Best Passer: Sal
Hardest Banger: Kirschner
Best Defender: Mitch and Quinn (tie)
Nate Robinson Instant Offense: Charlie
Pontiac Game Changer: Hyatt
Single Hardest Move to Guard: Joey’s pull-up jumper from free throw line
Little Mitchie Award for Doing the Most with the Least: Calvin
Jared Dudley Best Hands: Brian Robb
The Why Won’t Izzy Just Let Us Go To Barre Award for Least Reliable to Be a Good Friend and Show Up: Brenny
DJ Jazzy Jeff Award for Playing the Best 90’s Music: Perry
My Favorite Player to Play With: Quinn
Randy Moss “I’ll Play When I Want to Play” Award: Charlie
911 Emergency Response: Kirschner
Kyra Sedgwick Closer: Petrie
Tony Allen Award for Most Likely to Blow By His Defender and Miss the Layup or Commit an Offensive Foul: Sal
Single Best Performance of the Summer: Quinn goes 8-8 against Mitch
Pointy Elbows: Dave Robb
Omri Casspi Award for Best Jew: Hyatt
Best Body Part: Calvin's calves (still can't get over the fact that he has "calv" in his name)
Big Papi Smile: Jesse
Best Trash Talker: Zack
Honorary Member: Izzy

Some of Mitch’s Awards Explained:
* Indicates Winner

Best Shoe Game
Nominees:
1. Mitch’s Hyperdunks
2. Sam’s Official Tulane Air
3. Joey’s Air Jordan’s
4. *Tom’s Sandals

Best Poker Face: Sal. The sneaky bastard could throw the ball into the brook and turn around with his hands raised in the air and his “it wasn’t off me” face and you would have a hard time arguing with it.

Best Defensive Strategy:
Nominees:
1. Mitch sitting his lazy ass in the paint and taking advantage of the fact that nobody can shoot.
2. Charlie’s deceiving effort to try on defense for the first 3 possessions, and then take the rest of the game off.
3. * Tom’s innovative strategy to cover neither the picker nor the ball handler when the situation presents itself.
4. Jesse electing for forgo showering and to let his bodily functions flow freely. This prevents opponents from getting too close.

Biggest Ball Hog:
Nominees:
1. Sal - “The Point Guard Ball Hog”: If the play doesn’t begin with the ball in this shifty point guard’s hands he simply looks like he’s going to cry.
2. *Mitch - “The All-Around Professional Ball Hog”: Once the ball is in his hands there is no chance of anyone else touching it.
3. Jamie - “The Sneaky Ball Hog”: Nobody might realize this, but once he gets the ball, he’s either it shooting it or getting it blocked. Sorry for partying.
4. Trubow - “The Standstill Ball Hog”: I hate to break it to you but those hot handles don’t do you much good when you make zero progress towards the hoop.
5. Jesse - “The In Denial Ball Hog”: This UVM baller who aspires to be Rajon Rondo is completely oblivious to the fact that he simply does not pass the ball. The floater is there. The passing is not.

Stopwatch Award for Issues With Time:
Nominees:
1. Jesse: The time it takes Jesse to walk across the street from his house to the court.
2. *Jamie: The time it takes for him to get his shot off.
3. Charlie: The time it takes him to stop playing defense once the game starts.

Biggest Tool:
1. *Mitch: For playing without a shirt in every game
2. Calvin: For his full SAE get-ups and high socks.

Petrie

NBA Comparison: Mike Miller

Bio: Petrie just belongs on a basketball court. You can tell that he feels in his natural habitat behind that 3-point line. Pure love of the game, which can’t be said for many of the other All-Stars. He is just one of those guys that shows up to work every day, does his job, then goes home. No funny business. No holding out for a wealthier contract. Just a class act all the way around.

Strengths: The best 3-point shooter Albermarle has to offer. Look at it this way: When most people have the ball there is a 50% chance of a turnover, a 25% chance they even get a shot off, and another 25% chance of a turnover. Those aren’t good odds. But Petrie is a simple man with a simple plan. Catch the ball. Shoot the ball. Score the ball. And by the way, it counts for double. Another great thing about Petey is that he always plays hard, makes the right basketball decision, and is a good teammate. Also is a strong defender who can guard just about anybody.

Must improve: Would like to see him attack the basket more, as he has the combination of speed and strength to get to the hole. Also, sometimes he stops shooting when he’s not feeling it, and the great shooters can’t do that. I mean, if Ray Allen stopped shooting 3’s in Game 7...oh wait.

Charlie

NBA Comparison: OJ Mayo

Bio: If I were Charlie I would go play the lottery right now because he is definitely the luckiest of all the Albermarle All Stars. Every time he loses the ball or gets caught in an awkward position, he has the good fortune of being bailed out by a foul. I don’t know how he draws attention to himself so well. I really don’t. Just sticks out like an ugly person at a Quinn family reunion.

Strengths: Instant offense. His biggest strength is creating his own shot, especially when the offense is stagnant. Prefers to go to work a step inside the 3-point line, and defenders must be ready for the pull-up jumper or the drive to the basket. He really has worked on his mid-range game, and it has become one of the more reliable shots of all the All-Stars. Also, has the ability to make circus shots in the paint, too, which is always exciting to watch.

Must improve: As someone who matches up with Charlie quite frequently, I have to stand up for him here. His defense is actually fine, it’s really just a matter of him trying only half of the time. Giving up completely on plays and stuff. But I’m basically the same way and nobody ever says shit to me.

Kirschner

NBA Comparison: David Lee

Bio: You know Kirsch it really pisses me off how you get all these legitimate injuries and always just bounce right back from them. I fucking get injured a lot, too, but for some reason everyone thinks I’m a drama queen just looking for attention. It really makes me look bad. The fact that we haven’t had to call 911 for Kirsch this summer is incredible. There was that one time when his knee slammed into the pavement and I was 100% sure it had just shattered completely. I actually took 3 steps toward the bench and was about to get my phone and call an ambulance, and the next you know he’s back on his feet. Nobody likes a show off, bro.

Strengths: One of the best bangers we got. Freakishly strong and a difficult matchup for smaller defenders. Also one of the best rebounders in the league. Kirsch has worked on his offensive game a lot this summer, and the improvements are obvious. He now demands the ball in the post, and his teammates get him the ball because he can finish down low.

Must improve: Mitch said this at the Albies much more eloquently than I ever could, but Kirsch needs to work on his telegraphed passes. As a rule of thumb, if you look directly at your teammate for 5 Mississippi’s before passing it to him, the other team probably knows it’s coming.

Sorry For Partying

Wow, what a night on Saturday. I was planning on making a Jesse and Sarah joke right now but I tested it out on Mitch earlier and he seemed confused. Either that or he was trying to decide which one of my arms he was going to break. But seriously, it was a lot of fun and we all have DJ Hassan to thank for the great evening. I know I need to thank him especially for relieving me of my DJ duties. I was off my game towards the end of the night, and in retrospect, I realize that Enrique Iglesias’s “Escape” was a bit of a stretch. I’m also going to overlook the fact that the party was dead by 1:00 and I was in bed by 1:30. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Between the Blue Ribbon dinner and the dancing and Joe Farina Tweeting during You Got Served, I think it’s fair to conclude that this was one of the better parties we have had in a while. So that got me thinking, what are some of the other great parties we have had:

2008 New Years at Barre

The first ever Barre. What is still considered today to be the standard of partying. I’m actually getting a little emotional just thinking about. 9:00 at the Newton Marriott. A “45 minute drive” through the snow. The excitement of walking into that room for the first time. The countdown. Brenny hooking up with Sara (call me Brooke if you want to talk about it). Dave Robb and that chair. Just an incredible night overall.
When you look back it, it makes perfect sense that it happened on New Years during our freshman year of college. It was like all the stars were aligned that night. We were all so excited to hang out with each other after a semester at school. This doesn’t really apply to the girls, but being a freshman guy wasn’t all gumdrops and sugar plums. It was kinda rough at times, and I think we were all ready to let loose. You know how they say an NBA player is at his absolute peak at age 28, when he maximizes the combination of both his physical abilities and his understanding of the game? I felt like were all 28-year old studs that night. Every single one of us was in our absolute prime and ready to drink like never before. Throw in the fact that it was New Year’s Eve, and it’s easy to see why this makes the cut.

2007 New Years at J-Kap’s

For those of you that weren’t there from 9:00-11:00, let me just say that those were two of the most miserable hours of my life. There were like 8 of us there, and Danny, Brandon and I were just fighting nonstop with the girls about what we should do and I legitimately wanted to shoot myself in the head. But then one by one people start to trickle in and it eventually we reach the tipping point where Jessie’s becomes the place to be for New Year’s ’07. Shout out to Jesse for pissing his pants that night and then almost fathering an illegitimate child. This was also the night I started the tradition of sprinting home on New Year’s. I enjoyed it that night, but I did not feel the same way two years later when it was -30 degrees and I ran home from Rachel’s.

Barre summer 08

Coming off a phenomenal New Year’s at Barre earlier that year, the summer version at Barre easily has to be the most anticipated party we have ever had. Like there was nothing on this earth that would have caused us to miss out on that party. Maybe the death of one of our friends, but even in that scenario I think we talk ourselves into celebrating his life through drinking. “Dave Robb would have wanted us to have this party, guys!”
This was also the night that Truth or Dare went down in the hot tub. Jesse, I’m sorry I stripped down and humped Penelope. It was a Dare, I had no choice. It’s like the Unbreakable Vow in Harry Potter. You don’t mess with that shit. Supposedly that night was our downfall and the reason we haven’t done Barre properly since. Allegedly, Brenny or I left the grill on or something and Izzy got all pissed. But honestly those chicken fingers were so good that it was well worth it.

Dave Robb junior prom

Ahh, the junior prom I never had. Thanks again Carly and Dana for going back to the car for that one last drink. And thanks to Billy for parking the Escalade right in front of the entrance. Smart decisions all around on that one…Personally this party meant a lot to me. I was so excited I even put up Christmas lights in Dave’s basement beforehand. This party also occurred a few days after Michael Jackson’s death, and the highlight of the party may have been the late-night dance session to all his music.




I know there are a lot more that I could write about, but Mad Men isn’t going to watch itself tonight. Here are some others to remember: Jesse’s Sophomore Police Party, Farmer/Olympic/Morning After parties at Jesse’s, Tom’s 21st Birthday when he invited everyone and his parents rolled with it, Glory Week (including Brandon’s lobster incident), Seth’s cape house, Jill’s house, New Year’s Eve at Dyers, that random ass night at Sam’s Natick house, Izzy’s house when we fought the Brookline kids, etc. etc. etc.

Free Wiz Khalifa Concert Saturday

We're all going to this by the way. It's at Boston City Plaza or something like that. Then rage at Jesse's.

Wrapping Up the 2011 NBA Season

Well I couldn’t have played any worse than I did today. At best I went 3-30 from the field. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought I was Ray Allen in Game 7. Brick city. Turnover city. Take your pick, I was visiting all of those cities. It’s been on my mind all night. I know I should have bigger fish to fry, but let’s be serious. I don’t. I’ve probably gone something like 3-30 with the females in the past few months, but that doesn’t really bother me all that much. Girls come and go. Albermarle pick-up is forever. So with that being said, I figured this would be as good a time as any to leap back into my virtual life as an up-and-coming NBA superstar.

Side-note from today’s game: I have been thinking a lot about the MVP Award for the Albies. Quinn made a huge case for himself today. When he plays like that he is most dominant player we have. But he’ll be the first one to tell you that there’s been an inconsistency issue all summer long. Hopefully he can turn in another performance like that so I don’t have to give it to Mitch or Joey.

Double side-note: It’s no secret that Jesse and I have a little bit of a rivalry going on. It’s all in good fun, but it’s there and we both know it. And it pains me to say that I came to the conclusion today that he’s a better basketball player than me. There was nothing he couldn’t do today. He hit everything, played good defense, passed the ball well. And every time I touched the ball I either got stripped in the lane or threw up an ill-advised off-balance layup. I don’t go to the RecPlex and work on my game for this shit! Jesse, you know I think you’re a great player. I’m just saying it hurts me a little on my insides to get beat by someone who refers to UVM as “university.” As in, “Usually when I’m at university I like to play Frisbee on the quad in my Birkenstocks.” It’s called college. Or school. Or UVM. At least give me an article or a possessive adjective or something. And don’t tell me that’s what everyone calls it in Europe. We’re in America. If I wanted to wear skinny jeans and smoke cigarettes I would have transferred to NYU a long time ago.


Back to the league:

The 2011 NBA Playoffs have finally arrived. Here are the final standings, including the Albermarle All-Stars on those teams.

Eastern Conference:
1. Miami Heat (Jamie)
2. Boston Celtics (Tom)
3. Chicago Bulls
4. Orlando Magic
5. Atlanta Hawks (Hyatt)
6. Milwaukee Bucks
7. New York Knicks (Brenny)
8. Cleveland Cavaliers

Well the first thing that jumps out at me here is that Lebron plays Cleveland in the first round. Obviously we would all like to see this matchup, but I honestly think there is a legitimate chance of this happening. The East is so top heavy and there are really only 5 competitive teams. The Cavs will only need to beat out Charlotte or maybe Philadelphia for that number 8 spot. I just think the Cavs are going to play out of their minds all season and reach the playoffs. Heat win in 5 but it will still be a great series to watch.

Conference finals: Heat vs. Celtics. I think the Celtics are going to Finals again. I really do. The Celtics just know how to get it done in a 7 game series. Lebron has never beaten the C’s and there’s no way Bosh and Big Z are handling Garnett, Shaq, Jermaine, Perkins, Baby in the front court. Not to mention they have nobody to guard Rondo without screwing up all the other matchups. Plus you know T-Bird is going to win at least one game for the Green. Probably at home in heroic fashion, too. Jamie does his best to average 11 points for the series, but it’s not going to be enough.

Western Conference
1. LA Lakers (Calvin)
2. Dallas Mavericks
3. Oklahoma City Thunder
4. Denver Nuggets
5. Portland Trail Blazers (Mike)
6. Utah Jazz
7. San Antonio Spurs (Dave Robb)
8. Sacramento Kings (Mitch)

I think it’s silly at this point to consider the Thunder a “team on the rise.” They are 100% the second or third best team in the West. I still really like the Mavs and I think Caron Butler has a huge season for them this year. But Durant is the second best player on a relevant team in the entire conference (sorry CP3), and everyone else seems to be getting worse (Suns, Spurs, Jazz). Sacramento is the surprise team in the West this year, and not simply because they’ve added Mitch. Tyreke is good enough to get a team to the playoffs, even if they do inevitably get bounced by L.A.

Conference Finals: Lakers vs. Thunder. A rematch of last season’s intriguing first round matchup. Again, the Lakers prevail but this should be a great series. Calvin actually starts for the Lake Show, but unfortunately gets subbed out for Fisher in late game situations. Overall, just not enough size for the Thunder, although rookie Cole Aldrich will have a very solid season for OKC.

NBA Finals: Celtics vs. Lakers. The reason I love the NBA so much is that the best teams always wins. There is never any second guessing, really. I realize last year’s Finals was decided in the last 4 minutes and that either team could have won. But is anyone really going to argue that the Lakers weren’t the best team in basketball last year? The reason I like the Lakers to win again is not because of Kobe, but Paul Gasol. I hate Gasol just as much as the next guy. I watch soccer pretty regularly and he’s really on another level in terms of flopping. But he secretly was the MVP of the Finals last year and nobody even knew it. When you have the two best players on the court you are usually going to win.

NOTE: I know I’m getting ahead of myself here because the 2011 season is still a few months away. I’m going to make it up to everyone by giving a preview of every NBA team in the 30 days leading up to the season. You’re welcome.

Following the NBA Finals, Zack Trubow was selected 19th overall by the Utah Jazz. Besides Rondo of course, Deron Williams is my favorite player in the league. Zack, could you ask him why he rocks the 4-year old hair cut? When I bought my Rondo jersey, the deciding factor was the haircut. Rajon is always lined up. As is Jimmy Dyer. Deron looks like a fool sometimes.

****This concludes the 2011 NBA Season for the Albermarle All-Stars. I don’t know how much staying power this blog will have if I repeatedly keep creating fictitious scenarios in which we are all NBA players. Don’t be worried though, I’ll figure it out.

NFL Comparisons

Calvin: Wes Welker
A very shifty slot receiver who excels with the ball in his hands. Calvin will consistently be a league leader in YAC, and he has a knack for the end zone.

Mike: Nnamdi Asomugha
A pure cover corner that you can drop into single coverage. Allows great flexibility for any defense.

Mitch: Patrick Willis
A monster linebacker who’s strength is pass rushing coming off the end. Is also valuable as a decoy in blitz packages because he can drop into pass coverage extremely effectively.

Jesse: Maurice Jones-Drew
A lightning quick back with surprising strength. Loves to makes catches coming out of the backfield.

Quinn: Calvin Johnson
A lengthy wideout with great speed down the flanks. Always a deep-ball threat.

Brenny: Jared Allen
One of the few defensive linemen who truly excel at both pass rushing and run stuffing. Almost always requires a double team.

Trubow: Antonio Gates
Hands like glue make him the first choice target in short field situations. Can explode downfield for big gains.

Sam: Brian Urlacher
An elite run stopper who also has the speed to cover opponent’s slot receivers.

Tom: Jay Cutler
With a cannon on his right shoulder, Tom loves to throw the deep ball. Also has pinpoint accuracy when given time in the pocket.

Farina: Ed Reed
The ultimate ball-hawk with a nose for timely turnovers. Exceptional field vision and tackling.

Jamie: Champ Bailey
Opposing quarterbacks don’t throw to Jamie’s side of the field too often. Prefers to jab receivers right off the line of scrimmage.

Dave Robb: Randy Moss
Effortlessly glides down the field with his long strides. Has the ability to go up and catch just about anything.

Get Off Me Girl Talk

Move over DJ Dangerous Dave, you're not the only game in town anymore. And Girl Talk, you're next... I made this mash-up of Kanye's Jesus Walks and the theme from Boondock Saints. I made it freshman year when I was miserable at Wake and had nothing better to do. I got another mash-up set to be released later in the week, so be sure to check back for that one.

Tropical Storm Hannah Downgraded to Category 0

Listen, Hannah Storm is hot. This isn't breaking news. She's been dominating ESPN for the past fews years now. But one day when she decides she wants to have a go with me, I"m going to have to pass. Sorry little lady, can't do it. Not with those Professor McGonagall hands. Seriously, has anyone else noticed this besides me? Her hands are so bony and wrinkly I don't know what to do with myself. I can't get over it. It was extremely apparent during those NBA Finals interviews, and unfortunately this is the best video I could find. Feel free to disagree with me, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Jesse's Bike Business

I know what you’re thinking. Really Mike? You’re gonna rip on Jesse right now? He’s such an easy target. Put some effort into these posts. Well ha! You’re wrong! You thought I was gonna zig, but now I’m zagging. I didn’t always think this, but I’ve come around on the idea. I actually think this Zip-Bike thing has a chance of catching on. It’s a pretty straight-forward concept. When you need a bike, you just rent one at any Zip-Bike location, and then you can drop it off at another location across town. You can avoid the hassle of public transportation or the cost of a cab. And it’s good exercise. But what really sold me on this idea was last night when Jesse proved to me how fast you can actually move on a bike. He was just tearing Newton apart. First, he biked to Blue Ribbon from Old Cold Springs faster than we could drive, granted we made two stops on the way. But then he flat out beat us from Blue Ribbon back to Jamie’s house. It was impressive.

But then I realized why my thought process was so clouded before. I’m just a terrible biker. I know that sounds weird. I’m probably one of a handful of people on this planet that can get to any spot on a basketball court whenever he wants. But I can’t ride a fucking bike. I know how to and everything, but I can’t go very fast and I get tired in like 2 minutes. It kinda sucks. And while we’re on the subject, here’s my other confession. I’m also a terrible swimmer. It’s starting to piss me off how everyone wants to swim like 4 miles out from the dock whenever we go to Crystal Lake. Ever notice how I casually stay closer to the shore than everyone else and how I am always the first one to go back? It’s because I can’t swim bros! And I can’t float! Like how are you people treading water and throwing tennis balls for 20 minutes at a time? I really don’t get it. In any case, stop peer fucking pressuring me into swimming out so far. I don’t like going past where I can stand.

Shark Week!

Oh. My. God. An entire week dedicated completely to sharks! How will anybody get any work done!? Even though I have only thought about sharks twice in the past 51 weeks, now I'm sooooo obsessed with them...Seriously if any of you watch this for more than 45 minutes go kill yourself.

All-Time Teams

So here are the All-Time teams for some of our schools. Don’t feel bad if your school isn’t listed. The only criterion was that you had a Wikipedia page for your basketball team. I wasn’t really expecting Tulane to have one, but I was shocked that the U didn’t have one. Anyway here they are:

Arizona Wildcats
PG: Mike Bibby
SG: Steve Kerr
SF: Andre Igoudala
PF: Richard Jefferson
C: Channing Frye
Bench: Gilbert Arenas, Jason Terry, Sean Elliot, Luke Walton, Salim/Damon Stoudamire

Boston College Eagles
PG: Dana Barros
SG: Troy Bell
SF: Jared Dudley
PF: Craig Smith
C: Sean Williams
Bench: Scoonie Penn, Tyrese Rice, Sean Marshall, Uka Agbai

Wake Forest Demon Deacons
PG: Chris Paul
SG: Josh Howard
SF: Al-Faroq Aminu
PF: Rodney Rogers
C: Tim Duncan
Bench: Muggsy Bogues, Darius Songaila, Jeff Teague

Syracuse Orange
PG: Jonny Flynn
SG: Gerry McNamara
SF: Carmelo Anthony
PF: Derrick Coleman
C: Hakim Warrick
Bench: Wesley Johnson, Donte Green, Etan Thomas

Tennessee Volunteers
PG: Chris Lofton
SG: Allan Houston
SF: Bernard King
PF: Tyler Smith
C: Wayne Chism

So the ultimate question is, who is the best team? In terms of talent I will give the slight edge to Arizona over Wake Forest. Clearly, Wake has the two best players in Paul and Duncan, but Arizona is too deep. So many great guards that they can keep throwing at you. But in the end, I'm actually going with Syracuse here. Just looks like a great overall team on paper, with each individual filling nicely into a particular role. Melo scores. Flynn drives. Gerry shoots. Warrick and Coleman bang around inside. Wow, I have no life. When does Entourage start?

First Annual Albie Awards

Hey everyone. I am extremely excited to announce that the first annual Albie Awards will be taking place on Sunday, August 15. Mark your calendars, although we can talk about the date. Maybe we do it on Saturday and rage afterwards. Anyway, since everyone is going back to school relatively soon (and this is the last time we’re ever going to see each other), I thought this would be a fitting way to bring the summer to an end. The plan is to play basketball at Albermarle at around 5pm that evening. Afterwards, we will head over to someone’s house (anyone want to step up?) and have a Beer B-Q. At this point I will present the awards. The Albies will consist of MVP, most improved player, best shooter, etc. I have been working on these all summer and was originally just going to blog about them, but I figured this would be more fun. I am going to create a lot different categories and everyone will receive at least one. I’ll try to be nice for the most part, but don’t do anything too ridiculous in the next two weeks because nothing is off limits. Ok, hope people get excited about this because I am.