Albermarle All-Stars is in a state of transition. Everyone is going back to school and I’m going to need some new material for the upcoming semester. So I’m officially introducing you all to the 1914 guys that you already know. I’m not living with them next year but my other roommates are all weird and didn’t want to stay at BC this summer. So I’m holding off on bringing them into the picture until they really show me something.
Jon:
Bio: Jon is from Long Island via Mexico, but claims he is Puerto Rican. At this point I don’t know what to believe. I think he is an English major, but he might just be taking a lot of classes so he can finally learn the language. His hobbies include surfing and wearing his sweet sunglasses around on campus. Jon is also a dedicated supporter of Arsenal F.C.
Strengths: Is good at soccer which is good for when we go play pick-up together. Jon is also a very good cook, which is usually a plus except for when he judges me for microwaving hot dogs. But most importantly, Jon is my Beruit partner at school. We win tournaments on the reg and are basically celebrities everywhere we go.
Must Improve: Lack of pop culture knowledge makes it impossible to have a conversation with him. I ask him perfectly reasonable questions like “What do you think is gonna happen with Scott and Kourtney?” and he looks at me like I’m speaking Chinese.
Josh :
Bio: Josh is a local boy from North Andover, not to be confused with regular Andover. Probably one of the top 10 Fenway vendors of all time, and this is only his first season. Earlier this summer Jesse proclaimed Josh was about 10% hipster, which I guess is true. He’s a very good musician, as you can probably guess by the inordinate amount of instruments in his room.
Strengths: Very knowledgeable on Boston sports and my go-to guy for any related discussion. And the same goes for anything Barstool. Josh turned 21 the same week as me, and so we basically tore Boston apart until everyone else became legal. Josh is also a grill master, which was sweet when I didn’t work for the first 6 weeks of the summer and needed to do something to pass the time. Also is very strategic in his placement of mouse traps around our apartment. Roughly a 30% shooting percentage on those, which is actually quite high.
Must improve: We don’t call him the Bulldozer for no reason. He’s basically a human wrecking ball who punched through several of the walls in our apartment. He’s also deaf and therefore plays his music at intolerable levels.
Lorenzo:
Bio: He went back to Long Island today and isn’t coming back until school starts, so I’ll probably never see him again. But in any case, I love Lebronzo. He shops more than any person I have ever met in my life, and his justification is that he bought a monthly T Pass and therefore can get off at every stop and buy something. Most days he comes home, holds up a T-shirt that he just bought off the street, and asks if we think he should cut the sleeves off. The answer is always yes.
Strengths: Helped me make the decision to switch to Accounting, for which I am very grateful. Also brought all of his friends to that party we had in the beginning of the summer, which was mad fun. Zo would also wake me up at 7:15 for work if I was still sleeping, but usually he made sure he got a quick snuggle-sesh in first.
Must improve: Comes back to the apartment obliterated and requires constant care. Like last week when I literally had to put him on my shoulders and carry him up the stairs. Other than that he’s fine though.
Bryan aka Beej:
Bio: Interned with Calvin’s dad this summer and met some of our friends at Chad’s graduation party. So props for that. Also is leading a trip to Belize in the same program as me (I’m going to Mexico), and only the coolest of the cool people get the chance to do that.
Strengths: Nobody can say anything bad about Bryan. Such a nice guy who frequently wears wifebeaters and gives everyone the privilege of seeing those guns. Can also be counted on for playing interesting video games that I never would have known about if I never lived with him.
Must improve: Attendance. Makes one or two appearance every week at the apartment, but we could really use a little more Beej action around here.
