It’s 10:30pm on a Saturday. Pretty sure my roommates have been in bed for hours. Right now I’m listening to Bedtime Magic. Fucking Jewel just came on. Yup, I think it’s time to get the Blog going again.
Part 1 (1-5):
1. Apparently there are some things that you shouldn’t do once you graduate from college: Wear snapbacks. Go to Mary Ann’s. Bring a backpack to work instead of a shoulder bag. Give daps. Drink Rubinov, except for Mango cause its bomb. Go swimming in the Reservoir. Have an awkward amount of facial hair. Know all the words to “A Milli.” Believe your childhood dreams are still attainable. Facebook chat. Update your status (even if you technically only do it as a pseudo-joke to mock the people who ACTUALLY update their statuses). Say “Get at me.” Buy Nike Air-Maxes. The BBM pose. Care about college sports (Did you care about high school sports when you were in college?) Look forward to Tuesdays. Man, this is getting depressing. Let’s stop here.
2. Izzy was really onto something with that iPhone thing. I mean, seriously, what a second wind for Apple this summer. Can’t even walk down the street without Sarah trying to bump me or Trubow showing me some stupid app I have absolutely no use for. Normally I’ve always had a terrible phone. Just living in the Stone Age when it comes to mobile devices. But even I got myself an iPhone this summer. So if you don’t have one by now, I really don’t know what to tell you.
Here’s my only beef with all you Apple dorks: why hate on FaceTime? It’s a darkhorse best feature on the whole phone! For instance, Josh and I are about to go to the bar. Only thing is, I don’t know if tonight is supposed to be a chill guys night at the bar, or if we’re trying to make moves tonight. Do I wear a T-shirt, or go with a button-down? Sure, I could just ask him. But anyone that has ever had a roommate knows it’s all about mind games. So what do I do? Hit ‘em with the FaceTime. BOOM! Find out he’s going with the striped V-neck sweater. That’s his moneymaker sweater. Means he’s trying to get after it tonight. So I need to be on my game, too. Without FaceTime, I’d probably wear my Crawford shirt or something. And let’s be real, no girl wants to get with a guy reppin’ a .251 hitter with a .286 OBP.
P.S. Thanks to all the people who told me that I would get used to the texting within a couple of days. A couple days, my ass. I’m like 2 seconds away from ending up here (check it out).
3. The Elecktro Lemonade Fishbowl at Tavern literally has no alcohol in it, but I still have no problem paying $20 for it! Ok, let’s be honest. I’m not up for re-election as Governor of MA’s this year. That dog left weeks ago. And the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to realize that Tavern is going to be its official replacement. But what’s the one thing you need to have at your go-to bar? That would be a go-to drink. Before the entire school copied me and started drinking Rum & Coke’s at MA’s, that used to be my jam. Now I’m calling the Elecktro Lemonade my new signature drink of choice.
The truth is, this drink just pushes all my buttons. It just does it for me. First off, they give you like 14 straws for 3 people, and obviously I’ll drink anything with at least a 4-straw per-capita… Second of all, it shocks me how they’re able to make it that New York Giant-blue color. Like, I’m pretty sure I ordered the Lemonade, bro, this drink is blue. Oh yeah, that’s right, it’s ELECKTRO! Gets me every time…And last but not least, girls go buck-wild for them. Just pushing people out of the way and being all like, “OMG I’m Bridgette and I need to try this.” And I’m like, “Yeah girl, join the party,” as her boyfriend anxiously looks on. Hey, just cause there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score, right?
4. Casual Fridays are a pain in the ass. Not only do you need to spend like 20 minutes longer in the morning trying to decide if this is “work appropriate,” but I honestly just feel more comfortable in regular work clothes. I’m sorry but my jeans are a hell of a lot tighter than my dress pants. I mean technically it’s not my fault since I’m used to buying all my jeans at the Gap and nowadays a guy can’t walk in there unless he’s wearing an Arabic scarf and some Man Toms. Like bro, thanks for saving the world and everything, but you know you're wearing women's shoes, right? Seriously, what happened to the days when you went to the Gap, bought yourself a nice pair of 32x30 slim fit jeans and a 1969 T-shirt and left the store feeling all American and shit?
5. Girls are a lot better at Twitter than guys. Not trying to be rude here or anything, but is this one of the greatest upsets in the history of the world? Like, if someone told you that Twitter was this form of social media where people had to be direct, concise, straight to the point, and only had 140 characters to share their thoughts, wouldn’t the logical assumption be that guys might have an easier time with that? Not because guys are special or anything like that, but because girls can talk for days and days without food or water.
Well, if you had that same logic, you would be DEAD wrong. Girls kill it on Twitter, and frankly, guys kinda suck. Guys will give you a laundry list of their day and then inform you that you should get in contact with them. “Gym. Food. Bars. Hit me up.” Girls understand that you’re supposed to make a witty one-liner, bring some energy at the end, and then get the fuck out. “Who needs homework when you’re 21? #SORRYIMNOTSORRY!” Like that’s a little bit funny, it’s quick and easy to read, and it at least demonstrates you understand the concept of Twitter: to entertain your followers. Yeah, occasionally you have to deal with Teodora giving you updates on global issues and stuff, but eventually you just learn to ignore it.
P.s. I was a little confused about what the word platonic meant, so I asked Teo. Her response, “No offense Mike, but you and me: platonic.” Ummmmmm, offense taken.
