When Steve Jobs died, I wanted to do something to honor his memory. But since Steve was such a creative guy, I figured I should do something a little more original than simply update my Facebook status. So I looked all over my room until I finally found my iPod Sillyband. And I started wearing it again as a tribute to the man that has done so much for me. You scratch my back Steve, I’ll scratch yours.
But when it was time to pack for Europe, I couldn’t decide if I should bring the Sillyband with me. I mean tribute or not, we’re still talking about the second rarest Sillyband in the world here. Like, there’s gonna be professional pick-pockets everywhere I go. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
But in Copenhagen, I realized why I made the biggest mistake of my life. On Saturday night, Dave and I went out by ourselves because Kirsch was at Sensation. We went to a bar called Sjus, which was kinda like the Danish version of Cityside. Mostly college students, but enough weird older people to make you explore all your options first.
We had recently discovered that northern European girls love American guys. Everywhere we went in places like Germany, Denmark, and Holland we had girls coming up to us left and right (the other side of that coin, though, is that Spanish and Italian girls are way too intimidating to even think about approaching). So we decided to go sit down at a table and wait for them to come to us. Not 15 minutes later, and there are two Danish girls asking if they can have a seat. One of them was really cute too, but she immediately sat down on a stool next to Dave.
My girl didn’t need a stool because she basically decided to sit on my lap. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but this was a little different. I know I make fun of people a lot on Albermarle All-Stars, but I still make a point to never write anything about people’s physical appearance. You just don’t say stuff like that. With that being said, though, this was probably one of the Top 5 ugliest girls I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s just no escaping it. And the moment she spotted my iPod Sillyband, I knew I was in real trouble.
After she asked about it, I literally had to show her like 12 different times that it took the shape of an iPod. And even now, I’m still not convinced that she understood because her English was pretty awful. She asked if she could wear it, and even though I knew this was probably a bad idea, I still allowed her to try it on. Like, what was I supposed to do, say no?
Anyway, then she proposes a trade by taking off her ring and placing it on my finger. “In Denmark, when you make a trade you have to kiss with the other person,” she says. Fuck me. Fortunately, though, I’m pretty quick on my feet and told her my girlfriend would be upset if she found out about that.
A few minutes later, the girls ask us if we want to go to a club with them. Keep in mind; I was still trying to flirt with the cute one across the table throughout this whole scenario. I knew Dave wasn’t gonna pull the trigger, so I was just waiting for my opportunity. The problem was I couldn’t shake this other girl. I know you gotta slay a few dragons to get to the princess and all, but I couldn’t take it any longer. When the girls got up to go to the bathroom, I had to make an executive decision.
“We need to leave,” I immediately tell Dave, who laughs at me like I was joking. Asshole. But after seeing the look on my face, he goes, “Wait, you’re serious?” And even though I knew I would never see my treasured iPod Sillyband ever again, it was a better option than seeing how the rest of that night was going to play out.
