Did you seriously wear my pajamas and sleep in my bed when I went home for the weekend?
-Nick, Chestnut Hill
Does the Pope shit in the woods, Nick? Of course I did. We also did a fashion show with all of J-Rod’s clothes. True story.
I think I’m gonna start following the NBA. Do you think I should start following the NBA? What team should I follow? I think it has to be the Celtics because my rule is that whenever I start following a sport I root for the team of the city I’m currently living in at the time. What do you think? Can I start following the Celtics?
-Lovely, Brighton
Hey Steve, what team is from Under A Rock? Because that’s basically where you’ve been living for the past 10 years. Seriously, just do what you gotta do. If you can manage to somehow go to bed at night being a Steelers, Mets and Celtics fan, be my guest.
What does “Behind the Arc” mean? Help me.
-Sara, Ann Arbor
What was that Sara? Do I think you’ll get into Law school? No, I don’t actually. You probably bubbled in your name incorrectly and now it’s all over. Good luck, though.
Who’s the favorite to win the NBA title this year?
-Teo, Boston
Leave it to Teo to actually ask me a legitimate question. I’m going with the Lakers, then the Celtics, and then the Heat. In that order. The thing that people don’t realize is that Pau Gasol is the best offensive big man in the NBA right now. Pair him with Kobe and I don’t see how they don’t three-peat next year. They’re just too big and talented across the frontcourt.
As for the Eastern Conference, I’m picking the Celtics over the Heat for the same reason I’m picking the Lakers: I like their depth and size. That’s what she said. Obviously, Miami is going to be the No. 1 seed, and the Celtics will probably be the 3 or 4 seed. But in a 7-game series, I really don’t see how the Heat could beat Boston. They’re basically throwing Chris Bosh and a bunch of scrubs against the Celtics’ plentiful frontcourt. Joel Anthony (2.7 ppg last year), Udonis Haslem (6’8”) and Zydrunas Ilgauskas (could hardly earn playing time for the Cavs in the playoffs last year) are gonna match up against KG, Shaq, Perkins, Jermaine O’Neal, and Big Baby? Ok.
I’ve changed my mind on the whole “The Heat won’t be able to figure out who’s gonna take the last shot” position. It’s a stupid argument and I feel embarrassed for believing it in the first place. But I do firmly believe that Lebron and Wade don’t really compliment each other that well. They’re both drivers. If Wade drives and kicks it to Lebron for an open 3-pointer, that’s fine with me. Same thing if Wade is taking the long-range jumpers. Neither of them scares me from anywhere outside the paint.
Lakers over Celtics, again.
So according to your rankings, I’m a +6.
-Calvin’s outfit, Miami
Well, let’s take a look at it. Snapback hat. Sunglasses. Lax pinny. Bro shorts. Bro socks. Bro shoes. Yup, that sounds about right.
So according to your rankings, I’m a -14.
-Seth’s outfit, New York
Technically, yes. Although I can’t tell for sure because your socks are looser than your jeans and my system doesn’t know how to quantify that.
I have a QB rating of 105.3. I’ve thrown 8 touchdowns and 0 interceptions. Still think I can’t play quarterback in this league?
-Mark Sanchez, New York
Relax, guy. It’s been 4 games. How did last year go for you? You only had the #1 ranked defense and the #1 ranked rushing game, and you STILL only made the playoffs because Indianapolis gave up on the regular season. C’mon, cue the “Oh, he was only a rookie. He’s still getting better each and every day” brigade. I don’t need to hear it. What did Tom Brady do in his first season? Oh that’s right, win the Super Bowl. I can’t wait for you guys to get spanked by Randy and the Vikes Monday night.
