Ok, not a lot of people know this. So I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
Here goes:
Men’s fashion basically ranges across a spectrum, with some people on the left and some people on the right. Apparently this is also how political parties work. Or at least that’s what I have in my notes. On the left side, you got your hipsters. Skinny jeans. Vans. Plaid shirts. V-neck T-shirts down to your belly-button. You get the idea. On the right side, you got your preppy/bro/fratstar look. This includes brightly colored polo’s, button-downs, khakis, boat shoes, flashy sneakers, etc.
What makes me such a fashion icon is that I’m able to navigate both waters. Take a little from each, so to say. I like to refer to myself as a hipbro (pronounced HiPprOH). But that doesn’t mean I’m reckless or anything. Not at all. There is a mathematical science that goes into each and every outfit I leave the house wearing.
Any article of clothing considered to be “hipster” is given a -1. Any article clothing considered to be “bro” is given a +1. Normal, regular clothes are given a 0 and have no net effect on your outfit. The rule is that you must be within the aggregate range of -1 to 1. Anything outside of that range and you will immediately draw attention to yourself in a negative light.
Let’s look at some examples of acceptable combinations:
Last night's look: Red Sox Fitted (+1), Button-Down (+1), Skinnier Jeans (-1), Regular Nike sneakerss (0): Aggregate score: +1. So I’m a little on the bro side, but not so much that I’m gonna get iced in the middle of Mary Ann’s.
Thursday’s outfit: American Apparel T-Shirt (-1), Khaki’s (+1), Alife sneakers (-1) Aggregate score: -1. So I look a little hipster, but not to the point that I’m forced to stop listening to all the music that I really enjoy just because other people have heard of it.
Seriously fellas, follow these simple rules and life gets exponentially better. That’s a promise.
