Every now and then, a professor or somebody will pose the question to me, “If you could have dinner with one person in the world, who would it be?” My list over the years has included Michael Jordan, Keira Knightley, Pedro Martinez, Hermione Granger, Steven Gerrard and Randy Moss. But now I’m officially changing it to Kim Kardashian. I think she’s fascinating. I think she’s so misunderstood and I want to know why. I want to pick her brain, because even though she continues to reign as one of the most beautiful women in the world, I know there’s something deep-down that’s really bothering her. Seriously, the woman needs a therapy session like Nicole Richie needs two pounds.
So was I expecting her to break it off with Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin like she did the other day? Let’s just put it this way, does Charlie Daniels play a mean fiddle? I mean, c’mon Kim, you’re really gonna say the reason for the split is because of your “busy schedules?” I’ve been watching your every move on “Keeping up with” and “Miami” for the past 3 years. You have plenty of down time. You could have made it work.
But let’s get to what’s really important here: The Kim Kardashian Ex-Boyfriend Curse. Forget the SI Cover Curse or the Madden Curse. Take a look at her recent boyfriends:
Cristiano Ronaldo: Had a below-average World Cup when everyone was expecting huge things from him.
Reggie Bush: Recently became the first person to ever give back the Heisman trophy.
Ray J: Did you SEE “For the Love of Ray J?” I couldn’t even watch past the first season.
Nick Lachey: Never able to recover from his split with Jessica and now is at C-list celebrity status.
Nick Cannon: Not gonna lie, I love Nick Cannon. When he starts drumming on Morris Brown’s first line drums and then A&T throws their sticks right in their faces. So badass. You don’t do that and get away with it in the marching band world, and that’s exactly what he did. That’s whassup. Not to mention he’s such a believable soccer player in “Goal II.”
Ball don’t lie, Miles. Ball. Don’t. Lie.
